High EQ vs Efficiency Exercise

Last Monday, I attended an interesting class called EQ for Innovative Leadership. I was one of several privileged engineers selected by my manager to attend the class, as the class wasn't held often, and seating was limited.

EQ stands for Emotional Quotient. Whilst IQ (Intelligence Quotient) mesures one's intelligence, EQ measures one's ability to sense, understand and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information and influence.

Before the class, I took a survey based on the LEONARD (Let's Explore Openness, Neutral, Analytical, Relational, and Decisive) that tries to categorize my personality based on how high I scored in Openness, Neutral, Analytical, Relational, and Decisive. After completing the test, I ended up being categorized as a Neutral Expert. Link: http://www.leonard.com.my

Strengths of a Neutral Expert is summarized as follows:

• is a good listener
• likes moderation
• likes to do things in a way acceptable to others
• is accommodating to others' requests
• is a calm person
• value being part of a team
• try to think well of others

Weakness of a Neutral Expert is as follows:

• get hurt easily by others
• need acceptance from others
• lack confidence in self
• avoid confrontations with othes
• is not a goal-setter
• is too easygoing
• tend to be self-conscious

I have to say that I agree with most of the strength and weaknesses listed. These psycho things can be very true to an extent it's scary. Anyway, I really enjoyed the class, as I learned a lot about maintaining high EQ, and being innovative. In addition, I also learned how to be a good husband/parent. Not sure why he touched on those, I guess it helps us boost our EQ if we have a healthy and happy family. =)

One interesting point that he touched on is about husband and wife relationship. Humans have TWO basic needs - Social-Emotional Security, and Significance. Social-Emotional security is the feeling of socially accepted by someone, the feeling of belonging. Significance is the feeling of being valued, and being important. The wife would usually focus more on Social-Emotional needs, while he husband on the Significance.

In a healthy relationship, the husband should give the wife the feeling of security and beloging, i.e. Social-Emotional security. In return, the wife who's socially and emotionally secured would make the husband feel important and valued, i.e. Significance. If for some reason, the husband neglects the wife's needs, the wife's social-emotional security will be affected. Depending on the wife's tolerence, she may live with it for a while. However, analogus to a petrol tank that's full, tolerance has its limit too. Once the "petrol" in the petrol tank's empty, then "hiccups", and for more severe case, "breakdowns" will start to appear. This signals the start of the husband's problems and nightmares. =)

How do you sense a "breakdown" or problem is occurring in the relationship? The class instructor gave a very interesting and humorous example. If one day, a husband came home, and the wife started nagging, and bring up stories that happened years ago, and made a big fuss out of it, that signals a "hiccup." A husband who's low in EQ would join in the foray, and end up drinking bitter wine at the bar, and sleeping in the living room. If not handled properly, the problem could worsen and the relationship could end up in a "breakdown".

What should a husband who's high in EQ do? When the wife starts nagging, he should STAND there, and LISTEN. Don't SAY or DO ANYTHING! At this point, the wife's not looking for answers. When the wife says "Go away", DON'T. Stand there. This situation does not calls for obedience. Next, reach out and gently touch the wife. She may push the husband away. Again, DON'T give in. Instead, gently HOLD, and EMBRACE. These persistent actions are FOCUSED ATTENTION. When a husband gives focused attention to the wife, he's giving the wife social-emotional security.

Therefore, as husband/wife, it is important to continue to "add oil" in the relationship else, you'll find that there'll be unwanted "hiccups" and "breakdowns" in the relationship.

Wow, I didn't intend to write so much on the EQ class, but it's just so interesting... Anyway, after the EQ class, my EQ's really improved significantly. That really helps with the storm that I am and will be going through in the coming weeks.

My company, just announced that they would conduct massize layoffs of 10,500 employees worldwide to cut cost, and remain competitive in the business. To me, this really contradicts with what we're trying to do about a year ago. A year ago, we're expanding and spending like mad, we were even going to hire 2000-3000 more employees over the next 3 years in Malaysia alone. But less than one year has passed, and now we're talking about laying-off people in the thousands. What are the managers up in the management hierarchy thinking in the first place?!?! Geez....

I've caught wind that my department will be severely affected by this so called "efficiency exercise" aka "firing and layoff people exercise." This news does not go down with me well, thinking that many of colleagues/friends or maybe myself would be selected just scares me. I can tell that many of the employees are not really motivated to work. Everyone's not really in a jolly good mood with the impending layoff announcements that'll be happening, especially those who have bought properties around the area (ahem... myself included). What's going to happen to us, who' going to pay for the house/car/study loans, bills? Should we start updating our resumes and look for a new job? All these questions are just running through everyone's mind.

Am I worried? Of course, I'm but human after all. But, thanks to the EQ class, I'm not feeling miserable, I'm pretty much at peace. I may not be able to control the outcome of this exercise, but I sure can control how I feel. I can choose to focus on the negative things in life, and miserable, or I can choose to focus on the positive things in life, and be happy. Which will I choose? Of course to be happy! =)

In chinese, danger is known as 危机. 有危险，才有机会! Maybe good opportunities will arise from this? Who knows? All I can do now, is pray, have faith, and live a life of high EQ.

Wish me luck!